Advice, Humor & Articles
Tékumel Light Bulb Jokes
by Roger Pearse and Dermot Bolton, with Robert Dushay and Brett Slocum
Q. How many sorcerers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. What into?
Q. How many Sárku worshippers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None –– they only use dead ones anyway.
Q. How many Vimúhla worshippers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Who needs a lightbulb when you can burn people alive, instead?
Q. How many Dlamélish priest(esse)s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Who cares? All those nearby, plus a few passers-by.
Roger Pearse
or
A. They don't screw in a light bulb. They screw anywhere, anytime, with anyone.
Brett Slocum
Q. How many priests of Drá does it take to change a lightbulb
A. ----
Bob Dushay
Q. How many priests of Ksárul just it take to change a lightbulb?
A. I'm sorry but that is on a need to know basis only.
Q.. How many priests of Wurú does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, they'd rather stay in the dark.
Q. How many priests of Hnálla does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Bulb? But the Supernal Lord of all is illumination enough!
Q. How many Tinaliya does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Well that depends on a number of factors: the height of said bulb, the maximum number of participants allowed, whether another illumination device is available and time period allowed for completion of the task.Of course the physical transmutation of matter into another form is a serious question and one that can only be answered within the appropriate forum. The very question itself is ambiguous and logically requires further clarification before a suitable response can be issued. etc. etc...
Q. How many Livyáni does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. What do you know of lightbulbs? This is restricted information! Report your sinful thoughts to the temple at once! *coughVrunebcough*
Q. How many Militarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Well, if we go for a full frontal assault, I reckon two cohorts, tops. Two cohorts! Cha! Give me just one cohort and I will lure it into broken ground and employ the embrace of Nayari to envelop the enemy. Ha! You speak like a brainless chlén! You know nothing of the changing of bulbs! Brainless chlén eh? You will pay for that remark with blood you Nakomeéscum! *the sound of a duel ensues*
Q. How many Demonologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.First I will need a set of pre-pubescent triplets, preferably female. Next the eight interlocking squares of Djareva must be inscribed with precision upon a solid marble base using a mix of bodily fluids from the dead mother of the triplets. Next the litany of the summoning of the energies must be recited in Llyáni, after which the three sacrifices should be disemboweled with the ritual Ku'nur knife. Their innards should be made to spill into copper bowls and the summoner must drink a portion of each.... [rest deleted for reasons of sanity]
Q. How many Pecháni does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. How can we change the bulb when the thieving Salarvyáni scum have nicked all the spare ones!
Q. How many Salarvyáni does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. So you need a new bulb, eh? Well it just so happens that a cousin of mine has recently acquired a good selection, all at very reasonable rates too. Care for a deep fried grub? Now how many do you need....?
Q. How many Mu'uglavayáni does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. First we retake the Chákas, then we change the bulb.
Q. How many Omnipotent Azure Legion interrogators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Quiet scum! *smack* We ask the questions around here! Now, where were you on the night of...
Q. How many priests of Thúmis does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One to change the bulb, one to take account of Temple stocks, and one to assess the long term effects this will have on society at large taking into account historic examples and previous temple records on bulb changing.
Do you think lightbulb changing should be one of the tests in the Kolumejalim?
Dermot Bolton